Ice, Ice, Baby

Last night while I was eating my bean sandwich for dinner, I caught part of an episode of Family Guy, where Peter was doing a parody of "Can't Touch This", by MC Hammer. I've never actually heard the original Hammer tune, but am familiar with the song thanks to Weird Al's version, which (like everything Weird Al does) is brilliant.

[Side note: Why isn't Weird Al the Poet Laureate of the United States? The dude knows how to craft beautiful images from words, and writes about subjects that affect us all...unlike some of the second-rate poets who have actually gotten the gig. I defy you to name a single one of them who has written songs about Spam, cable television, or the benefits of gun ownership. Can't do it, can you?]

Going to bed with a catchy rap tune on one's mind is NOT conducive to getting a good night's sleep. I woke up a couple of times, feeling like I had LL Cool J a-dancin' in my skull.

Now I'm the first to admit that I don't follow the world of Rap very closely. I do understand that artists in the genre often get shot in drug deals gone bad, end up in prison (or its sister organization, the NBA), or suffer seizures from stimulus overload upon seeing so many tattoos when they look in a mirror. And if that doesn't happen, they may be forced to live under the shame of being saddled with effeminate and emasculating nicknames like Snoop, Diddy, or "Lil" something. I can only imagine the disgrace they must feel -- I bet even the male figure skaters make fun of their lack of manliness.

Now, "Hammer", though is a good name. I've never seen the guy perform, but I'll bet with a name like that, he probably wears manly attire like tight leather pants and a motorcycle jacket with studs on it. I'm thinking the kind that George Michael used to wear in his videos...with the Don Johnson stubble on his face, etc. Now, there's a manly man, with a manly name. George. Like George Washington; you can't get any more manly than that. Right?

I'm just guessing here, but I'm thinking that rappers with a cold hard edge to their names are the ones who would make a lasting impression. Something like "Vanilla Ice" -- I bet that dude now owns corporations and gives motivational seminars and writes books that appear on Oprah. Everybody listens to the Iceman, I'm sure.

But I'm curious as to what ever happened to some of the one-hit wonders, like Marky Mark and the Fresh Prince? You don't hear anything about those guys anymore. They're probably working in gas stations in Missouri or something. Poor saps.

Anyway, the point is that even for someone like myself who is not particularly a Rap enthusiast, it is possible to get a catchy song stuck in your head. I'm still sorta twitching to the internal beat it set up within my body. With my race coming up this weekend, I've got to get better sleep over the next few days, so I'm going to have to come up with a plan to purge this rhythm from my head.

You can join with me. All together now: "It's a small world after all. It's a small world..."

Now, that should banish any Rap from your brain. You can thank me later. Have a great day!