Secret Family Recipe

Does your family have any secret recipes, passed down by hand from ancient times; generation to generation -- a handoff of the cherished ingredients list accompanied by sworn oaths to protect the information with the same fealty shown to any other family heirloom? Was the handoff ceremony determined by some particular rite of passage, and augmented by solemn rituals invoking the names and spirits of ancestors past?

Really? Man, your family must be weird.

I really doubt that there were any family cooking secrets passed down in my family. If there were, they'd have gone to my sister, who did most of the cooking for us after my mom died. Her culinary output was certainly adequate, but nothing that would have the neighbors going through the garbage to find a way to replicate.

In fact, I'm not sure that my mother had any "specialities", either. I'm pretty sure that I've never had baked pink salmon cakes from any other cook, but for some reason, that has never bothered me. And while my mom made some darn good hambugers, pies, and fried chicken, she was also guilty of leftover chicken-part cassaroles that are best left unremembered. Something about the peas...

And while the annual cooking and distribution of fruitcakes was a much-loved tradition, the fruitcakes themselves received, shall we say, mixed reviews.

I'm not sure how many fruitcakes my mom made each year, but there was one for each set of grandparents, cousins, and adjacent neighbors...plus one each for the preacher, choir director, mailman, paper boy, and meter reader. And a few for good friends from the social circle, and probably even some that went to congressmen, favored grocery clerks, and possibly even her TV idol, Jack Lalanne. I'm not really sure.

I'd have to ask my sister to be certain, but I suspect that my mom's fruitcake recipe is now as lost as D.B. Cooper, the truth about Roswell, and Ben Affleck's career.

The one family recipe I wish that I did have was my Grandma's method for making cinnamon rolls. Those things made Cinnabon taste look like a toxic waste by-product...to this day, my Grandma's cinnamon rolls are my favorite food, ever!

She actually did give me the recipe once. I don't think she thought it was a secret; she figured that anybody who knew how to cook could make 'em like this. But it simply wasn't true. I watched her do it, even helped out with the process...but could never replicate the results. One time, I did come really close, and made rolls that made people swoon and profess their undying love -- but only once.

The good news is that while I cannot make cinnamon rolls the way my Granny could, the ones I do make are still pretty darned good. Which brings us to the point of this blog:

Friday night, I made a pizza.

Ah, my friends, you have never tasted such a delectable creation! Such a symphony for the senses...such a tantalizing treat for the taste buds! Appealing, perhaps even mesmerizing...this pizza was irresistable and addictive. Once I had a bite, I could not stop eating it. (Science fiction fans, see Tree of Life Root.)

And what's really amazing about this pinnacle of the baking arts is this: I have been creating pizzas with this same level of irresistability now for years. If there were ever a recipe that deserves to become a family secret (or perhaps a patented restaurant formula that leads to millions in franchise income and opportunities for Super Bowl ads), this is it. If I were to mass produce this product, every human who even becomes exposed to the scent of it would become my customer for life.

But I have no desire to become a pizza mogul. (And to be honest, I rather suspect that if I were to calculate the expense to income ratio, factoring in marketing expenses, etc, I might find that it's not all that profitable, anyway.) As much as I enjoy cooking for myself, or for special friends or family, I can't say that I can really see the pizza-making thing as my calling in life. So -- as a special favor to my loyal readers, I plan to share the instructions for how to make Terry's Irresistable and Addictive Pizza, right here in this blog space.

But not today. I'll have to put some effort into figuring out how to document the process, and that will take time. Maybe in about a week. Trust me, it will be worth coming back for.

In the meantime, I believe I shall tell you about the rest of my weekend. Stay tuned for that.

And have a great day!