Iron Man

Ha! Because I'm a swim coach and hang out with all sorts of studly athletes, you thought this post was going to be about triathlons, didn't you?

Sorry, but it's about a movie based on a comic book; "Iron Man", starring Robert Downey, Jr.

I'll start the discussion by confessing that Iron Man was not one of my favorite Marvel heroes when I was growing up. Spidey was the undisputed best, not only because he was witty in battle and had powers that would be cool without causing him to look like an arrogant ass (puffing out your chest to let bullets bounce off, etc, like some "heroes"), but also because his alter-ego was a mild-mannered dork who had problems getting the girl. I could definitely relate to that.

Iron Man, on the other hand, was a handsome, successful rich guy, and didn't really need super powers to have a nice life. That sort of existence was well outside my realm of experience.

Still, he was cool. He looked good, fought bad guys, and used technology without being a pendantic dipstick like Reed Richards, so I was happy to read an Iron Man comic whenever I could. (And let's face it, the worst of the Marvel guys was still better than any of the DC dreck. Well, except for maybe Dr. Strange. I don't even think that dude was a real doctor. But I digress.)

But how does a second-tier comic like Iron Man translate into a movie? Hmm. I think I'll rate it in terms of individual comic book movie elements. Let us begin:

Hero Design: "A minus" — Iron Man is just...cool. I'd give him a straight-up "A", if it weren't for the fact that his costume entry procedures and gizmo deployment so obviously rip off "Transformers". But let's face it, he's got the whole "I'm metal, but look like a bodybuilder" thing going on, and he pulls it off. Extra points for a great faceplate; minimalist, but still badass.

Secret Identity: "A" — I'm normally pretty ambivalent about Robert Downey, Jr. But I have to admit that he's a good choice for this part, and pulls it off with charm and wit. The opening sequence where his character is introduced might just be one of the best two-minute character development scenes in the history of cinematic drama. Oh sure... he's a cocky, womanizing bully with character flaws and relationship issues, but ya gotta love him. And I personally enjoy the fact that he is proudly portrayed as an American patriot. Downey pulls off the action hero dialog with ease, and his snappy asides to those around him (human or not) made me smile throughout the film. I think I could hang out with Tony Stark.

Buddy Factor: "B" — Terrence Howard is a solid and likeable best friend, but doesn't really leave you wishing he had more screen time. He's not creepy (like Peter Parker's buddy Harry) but he's not a Han Solo "got ya covered" kind of a buddy, either. He's just OK.

Babe Factor: "B" — Gwenneth, er, uh, Gwynyth...well, Ms. Paltrow (whatever) does a passable job as Tony's ever-faithful personal manager and obvious "wake up and realize you're in love, you dolt" motivator for eventual character growth. She's no Jennifer Connelly, but at least the guy she's got the hots for doesn't turn all green and bloated...he just has a titanium fetish. This is probably the most believable relationship in any of the Marvel films, and you root for them to get together -- but if you want a real romance in a movie with metal guys, I'd still recommend "Terminator".

Villain: "C minus" — I'm not giving anything away here. If one look at Jeff Bridges doesn't tell you that he's the one selling the weapons to the terrorists, then you need to get out more often. I thought his "long-haired bum" look in King Kong was about as creepy and disgusting as it could get, but the bald look doesn't suit him any better. Nick Nolte in Hulk was worse, but not by all that much. (Side notes: I'd have to give top honors in this category to Alfred Molina. After seeing "Chocolat", I was pretty sure I couldn't watch that dude on the screen without barfing, but he did a great job as Doc Ock. Ian McKellan was excellent as Magneto, and Thomas Hayden-Church's Sandman portrayal brought tears to my eyes, but in full bad guy mode, neither of them was as brilliant as ol' Ock. And don't get me started on how Daredevil managed to waste a perfectly good Michael Clarke Duncan. That movie was criminally bad on several levels -- Don't get me started.)

As for minor bad guys, well, I thought the Afghan terrorists were all pretty good. I kept expecting the one dude to morph into the Mummy, or maybe the heart-grabbing guy from "Temple of Doom", but that's just me.

Suspension of Disbelief: "B minus" — I have no problem with the idea of a fellow building a micro-tolerance, extra-shiny, body-hugging superhero costume capable of supersonic flight in his basement...after all, the guy is a genius and richer than Seinfeld, so why not? I don't even have a problem with semi-sentient robotics (hey, I saw "Short Circuit", you know, and that was like, decades ago). But even so, it's hard to believe that these things can be done so quickly. Regardless of your resources, setting up CAD/CAM, forging, sheet metal production and complex machining takes time...and it kinda bugged me that his secret, solo, Apollo-complexity assembly project seemed to take only days. [Oh, and please insert my standard "computers don't work that way" movie montage critique in this spot.]

Action: "C" — I enjoyed the "whuppin' on the terrorists" scenes, and got a great kick out of the "let's wreck stuff by trying untested flight prototypes in the garage with no safety measure" scenes. Those were great fun! But the climactic fight in the movie was a little too obviously CG (does anybody remember ED-209 from Robocop?), and it wasn't all that much fun, either. Not really a problem for the movie, though -- the Downey metamorphosis subplot is much more important than the action, anyway.

Socio-political Conscience: "C" — Since a major subplot involves insurgents in Afghanistan and attacks upon the US Military there, as well as some character introspection about personal involvement in the weaponry marketplace, there are moments that may cause some folks to cringe a bit. But overall, I think they did a pretty good job of straddling the political fence. In two or three years when all the countries in the Middle East are civilized and peaceful democracies, the context may seem dated -- but then again, I guess nobody has a problem with "Casablanca" being set in VietNam or whatever, right? Oh well, at least they had the good sense not to create a plot where he had to become Iron Man in order to fight Global Warming...

Stan Lee Cameo: "A plus" — Best one yet. 'Nuff said.

Overall rating: "B plus" — I'm quite sure that I'll enjoy seeing this movie again (unlike "Daredevil", which made me want to shove knitting needles into my eyeballs, and "Hulk", which made me want to hunt down Nick Nolte and torture him by making him watch "Daredevil"). I have a feeling that it may even grow on me and become more enjoyable with repeated viewings. We'll have to see. But if you're a fan of comic book movies, this one is definitely worth seeing.

One more note: — If you are a fan of the whole Marvel comics universe (or even if you never read an issue, but still enjoyed "Snakes on a Plane") you should definitely plan to sit through the entire credits, until the very end. You'll be glad you did.

Have a great day!